i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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