Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
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They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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