HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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