The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
