how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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