So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
