apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
