Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
