just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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