took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
