last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
