well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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