the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
