I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
