I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
