i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
