Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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