No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
