he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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