I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is wine microwaveable?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
