She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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