Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
