I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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