Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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