I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
