I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
