Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
