I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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