So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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