did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
