I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She announced her abortion via fbk
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
