he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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