I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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