You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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