i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
