I've blown a few things in my day
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
