I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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