C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i was born a porn star she said
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
