You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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