How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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