good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
