Nicole vs. Life
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
