I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize