Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
