My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
