I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
