we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
