he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
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Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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