Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
