She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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