I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
