awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
