just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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