it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
