I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
