when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
