you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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