I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
