Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
