I am puke
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
