So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
