Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
