I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
