just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
