I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
