K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
