Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
smell my finger.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
