oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
