that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
