spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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