Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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