Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
