All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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