im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
