You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
