Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
