Pants 0. Shit 1.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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