It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
