so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
