Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Are we still banned from the library?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Terrible idea I love it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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