You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
